.:: Monday, October 27, 2003 ::.
i'm waiting for my mom to come home. i miss her so much now. yesterday i didn't, now i do. weird no? however, somehow i think my missing her is connected to the excitement i have right now in seeing my 128 MB memory stick for my sony camera... plus the smallville season 1 DVD that i ordered... hehehe. materialistic bitch that i am.
i think i'm in a worse place than a rut right now. i'm in a whole lot of mess... i'll be sounding vague again. it's hard when your private life is made public. you see a lot of shocked faces staring at you the day after you type your whole story. you can't say you didn't warn the narrow headed readers hehe. this mess i'm in, i promised myself almost a year ago that i wouldn't go through this again. this thing is just to painful... moreso, irritating and stressful. but it's not just that. i'm more concerned of possibly hurting him. i don't know what made me do it but i just felt like i needed someone stable. someone i know i could count on to be there when i need to, when i call for. because honestly, those that i thought they would, hasn't really pulled through. i know i sound demanding and selfish but i just need this to help me through this rut that i'm in. however, i know that what i'm doing is a big mistake because this person is more demanding(and selfish) than i am. his needs precede mine and i can't have that right now. i just need to know something about myself and about the people around me. then i'm finish.
now my problem is... how do i finish it?
.:: Friday, October 24, 2003 ::.
MMDA gagu
on our way to libis, the funniest thing happened. i was pulled over again by the MMDA(this time they were in a truck and chasing me on the highway) in the same spot(damn congressional) i was caught at 5 months ago. and it gets better... by the same guy too. last time, instead of giving me a ticket, he asked for my cellphone number. so i gave it. it was better than going to LTO. i saved his name as MMDA gagu. i only replied 2 or 3 times to his repeated senseless text messages. i was about to erase his name a month ago. it was a good thing i didn't. he was going to write me a ticket but i kept forcing him not to. finally, he asked if i had still saved his number. i said i did save it and began editing his name on my cellphone. when i showed it to him, he smiled(i think he was flattered) and told me i could go. hehe. funny how a little smiling and studying medicine can get you out of tickets. i should bring a white blazer for authenticity.
yesterday, i was out with eya.
we had our little talk and as it turns out, everything is fine again. like our fight never happened. don't get me wrong, i'm really happy that we're friends again but what i'm a bit apprehensive about is for how long will we be okay? also, i told her some stuff about people i shouldn't have told her about. i know that she doesn't accept criticism well and it's so hard for her to admit that she's wrong. oh well. at least i got to tell her some of the things i wanted to say way back during my first newsletter. let's just see how long it will take before we have our gruesome fight again.
.:: Monday, October 20, 2003 ::.
sembreak
it's been a while since i last blogged. last week was a really really toxic week :p i don't want to ever go through that again. one of my worse weeks.
my mom left for the US yesterday. she asked my dad to record all the teleserye in the teleserye series. as i can remember way back when i used to watch soaps, she strongly said that she would never find herself watching silly drama shows on channel 2. today, she watches all 4 of them. funny how people never stick to their word.
right now, it's kind of lonely here at home. i thought i'd be with my family for 2 whole weeks but i guess, things happen. my 2 brothers are out and my dad is busy watching the teleserye my mom requested to be recorded. i guess my mom is still on the plane. i'm starting to miss her already.
sembreak started last wednesday. for me, it just started today. we worked the whole week last week for the preparation of the 40th anniversary of the sorority. it was a success... although some of the hard work we did wasn't shown during the anniv due to some technical difficulties... plus we didn't get the chance to ask for financial aid from the elder sisses. but it was okay. they had fun. however, after friday, i don't feel like seeing any of the sisses... for now. after being burnt out with school, i'm burnt out with the sorority too. i'm afraid that two weeks of vacation won't be enough to rejuvenate my school nor my sorority spirits. tough.
on a more serious tone, i think i've realized something about eya again. we had a really really bad fight last friday. it was the worst fight that we've ever had... and it was through text messaging pa. i don't think we'll ever regain the closeness that we had before. i wasn't so sure before but now, i'm afraid that i'm right. everything's messed up between the two of us. what's worse pa is, we were actually doing nothing to each other. it's like there's this hidden hatred. i've never hated someone as strong as this. it's just so sad. really really sad. i just don't want to do this anymore. it's draining the life from me. i know that we can't ever resolve our problems. the only thing left for us to do is stay away from each other. i swear, i'm just too tired of it all. and with the things she said, there's a part of me that wants to regret that i ever made friends with her at all. right now, i don't think she was a bestfriend at all.
.:: Friday, October 10, 2003 ::.
i'm in a rut. maybe this is part of the reason why i went home last night.
...plus also the reason why i can't study. i just don't find my life interesting anymore. it's a good thing that sem break is just around the corner. otherwise, being a doctor will be the last thing i'll ever want to be. honestly though, i can't think of anything that i want to do right now. i just want a different life. maybe a change of scenery. anything basta change.
however, deep inside, i know that there's something troubling me much more than this rut that i have. it's a person. i just don't know how i should handle this thing with this person. everytime that i think i'm over it, it comes back and hits me hard. *sigh* i'm being as vague as i can...
a first for me.
yesterday, i called home and asked my parents to pick me up. why? because i was so miserable being alone in my tita's apartment. usually, i find stuff to do when i'm all alone but last night was just different. it was the first time i called home and asked to be picked up. everyone at home was worried when i told them i wanted to come home... and yet so warm with welcome. they cooked adobo(yum!) and my mom couldn't stop hugging me and asking me what was wrong. i couldn't help but notice that she was teary-eyed. i was touched. even if it was funny in a way... because she reasoned that it was ara mina who made her teary eyed. but all in all... my coming back home made me feel better. i've never appreciated coming home until this moment. there must be something wrong with me.
.:: Monday, October 06, 2003 ::.
what's with all this joey-kris thing? i thought it was over then suddenly, i see it on tv again. i see it on magandang umaga bayan, TV patrol, mel and jay, buzz(as if they would let themselves miss out on all the action), s files, magandang gabi bayan, and whatever show channel 7 and channel 2 could force to air on. it's stupid. pinoys have a way of exploiting exploitation. they're making "she said he said" on primetime. nothing is good on tv anymore all because of this scandal. why should we care about them when we have problems of their own? and why should they be on news updates and special reports?
i so hate channel 2 and channel 7. for making all the exclusives on kris and joey... and also on alma! for making all those vtrs about how good these persons are. everybody knows that these are all lies so that they could have a good rep on the 2004 elections. they shouldn't use their connections in media for all this. it's plain ridiculous. i just find it very disturbing.
i read this in an email. i just have to post this!
Kris Aquino and Joey Marquez. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers .Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers .Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers.
My gad! What cosmic karma are we reaping as a nation to deserve these two???? Both of you are walking human-rights violations!!!! Ang kakapal ng mga mukha nyong dalawang mag-iiyak and invoke your reputation, your children, your family. Ang kapal ng mga apog nyo to talk about dignity. Many articles and emails have been written and circulated around why we think makapal ang mukha nyo?. Pero patulan pa rin natin...speaking of mukha, let's start with Kris because she at least has the more pleasant face.
Drama Queen. This woman can talk. Such gift of gab and such flair for drama. Measured sighs. Quivering voice. Trembling hands. A tear dropping from the left eye. From the first statement of "I fear for my life" up to sudden facing of camera # 2 to directly address Joey (a style perfected from hosting Game Ka Na Ba's multiple cameras). Perfect. I'll have to hand i over to this girl. (She is pretty without make-up. Oh yes, the nose looks crooked pala and the teeth may beg for capping but overall she is a pretty sight and prettier still when she cries). But it doesn't change my overall judgment which can be summed up in five words : "Beh! Buti ng sa yo!" You are anything but a victim here Kris. To quote Condrado de Quiros "you are not Maria Theresa Carlson at the mercy of her oppressor. You are a powerful woman." Equally or even more powerful than Joey. Stupid Girl. If the issue at hand is Joey poking a gun at you and that is your main beef?...why dear did you have to announce that you had (have we can never be sure) STD? You ruined many dinners that night Kris. I can not forgive you for that. I hope that by now, you have fully realized the implications of what you said. Mr. Tulfo said it best when he wrote "..No Filipino will ever go down on you." Also, admitting that you have been living-in with Joey for one and a half years is giving arsenal to Alma Moreno's planned lawsuit (Tip to Kris : Possible excuse for all your statements : you were high on medication to alleviate the pain caused by the bruises inflicted by Joey when your interviewed by Korina). Speaking of of bruises...hahahahaha...hilarious! what bruises are you talking about??? I have had blacker bruises on my hands and arms courtesy of my ergonomically incorrect computer table. I have had bluer bruises on my face after brushing my teeth with a bit more passion. OA na Kris, hindi na cute. Have you ever thought that sa puti mong yan sa paggamit ng Kissa soap.... kahit sinong humawak sa yo ng mahigpit-higpit e magkakapasa ka?
Please Kris. For your parents' sake for your sake, and for our sake, tumigil ka na.
Joey Marquez. Big Loser. You can kiss your political ambitions goodbye! Nakahanap ka ng katapat mo 'tsong! Your interview in S-Files is the funniest showbiz interview since Divina Valencia hit Rey dela Cruz's head with a microphone. If only you can see yourself that day : meek stance my foot .. the quivering voice, a tear forced to fall - but will not..., stuttering words, trembling chin, a missing upper molar... geesh...Kris Aquino already beat you to that act dear except for the missing tooth. While Kris won our hearts with the beauty of her face while crying, you repulsed us. Ang pangit mo 'tsong! You should start starring in you own telenovela yourself... "Hangang Sa Tulo ng Panahon." Nevertheless, we are all excited to see what you are going to say in court. We are expecting a lot from you Joey.
Finally, a self-rating of Juan dela Cruz. A winner for seeing the funny and ironice side to all these. A winner for not taking you two seriously ...But sadly, also a loser for being a trapped and captive audience to all these. A loser for having the email as my only way to vent my anger and frustration.
Hala, I-forward ang email mga kapatid hangang makarating kina Kris at Joey.
i am sick and tired of school and the worst part is, i have 2 more weeks left!! my brain is probably mush because i can't seem to store anything in it anymore. this module is really my worst one... all except for endocrine, musculo and OB :P
these are the times i wish i hadn't taken up medicine.
.:: Thursday, October 02, 2003 ::.
weird dreams
i slept at the sor house again last night. i kept thinking if i really wanted to live there next sem. somehow, it's as if the place felt so... lonely. but it's better than living at my aunt's house. so much better.
i had another series of weird dreams last night while sleeping at the sor house. this time, i couldn't tell if it was surreal or real. it was about mommy. it was something that i had been thinking about for a long time now.... and then it manifested in my dreams. it was just so weird... and scary. but it's nothing. dreams are nothing.
though somehow, i feel i'm not that sure...
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