.:: Friday, September 26, 2003 ::.
i'm disappointed in someone. i can't tell who. i thought that they were different. but it seems, they were just like someone in my past who had hurt me a lot... like eya.
buddy told me that my life was like a cycle. the same things keep happening to me. this time though, the players are different. i never realized it until she told me this. she was right. the worst part is... i keep doing the same mistakes.
i really can't believe what this person did. it's not their fault. i just expected too much... again. i don't want to be mad at them. that's why i'm going to start staying away first. as much as i don't want to, i have to.
.:: Thursday, September 25, 2003 ::.
push ire, push push ire ire
last night was resident's night. it was my first and now i regret it being my first. it was better than our freshmen's night. i couldn't imagine that the people on stage were doctors. respectable people doing funny weird things. hehe. i can't wait to see my big sisses on stage when they become residents.
to add to the toxicity that the execom has, we have two neophytes. tin and gem. so far, they have almost finished their first week. but we've heard rumors that one of them plans to quit. if one quits, no more initiations. what a waste of time and energy. i just hope they don't quit.
.:: Wednesday, September 24, 2003 ::.
truth and lies
for the past few days, i have been bad. so bad that the people close to me can tell what i have been up to just by looking at my face. like mommy qui. i tried to lie but whenever it's mommy who asks, i can not tell a lie. she has this scary stern look on her face when she interrogates me... and an even sterner and scarier look if it's about him.(and if you're reading this... joke joke joke ;) ) i can't really relay the events that transpired. it would mean breaking a promise to a friend. however, i can admit that what i did was wrong and also misleading. misleading in a sense that i was the one who was mislead, not him. i can't also explain why i had done what i've done. honestly, i don't know myself. what i can say is...
nothing.
in that same day(or the morning after ;p ), a friend told me something about herself. i had my suspicions already but i was still surprised when i heard it. after almost a month, she finally decided to tell me her big secret. sometimes, when people tell you something about themselves, it changes your whole perception of things. like what they said or wrote before they told you. you think of the deeper meanings of things. i'm happy for her because she's happy. happy in a sense that it's good. not like my happiness...
congratulations and good luck :)
.:: Saturday, September 20, 2003 ::.
dying superman
a friend said once that i looked tired... and i wasn't even tired then. there has got to be something wrong with me. i sleep for 12 hours and then someone tells me i look tired. sometimes i am and other times i'm not. honestly though, i've been feeling less and less energetic these days. the superman in me is starting to fade. maybe because the semestral break is almost around the corner...
whatever the reason, nowadays, i feel like 12 hours of sleep is not enough for me. go figure.
.:: Thursday, September 18, 2003 ::.
doctor montenegro
today was our second meeting with our facilitator in our small group tutorials. as it turns out, i was the unfortunate favorite of doctor montenegro. i had the fatal mistake of not reading enough for the case (which was trauma: initial assessment). i really don't know why he kept calling me and asking me weird questions like what does crystalloid solution means. i only answered 3 out of the 6 questions he asked me. and then he gave me an assignment since nobody knew the basic trauma life support system. we all knew the advanced but not the basic :p then, to add to my suspicion of me being favorite, he asked me to lead the closing prayer. weird talaga.
half of me feels glad he knows me and, feeling ko lang, he likes my name. the other half condemns the pressure put upon me because i know he will call me everytime we do our SGT :p
lately, it's been getting harder and harder for me to wake up early for school. maybe because the weather's getting colder. whatever reason it may be, i have to stop this and wake up without okay-ing the snooze button on my cellphone :p
my friend patrick has typhoid and dengue. he told me yesterday that he already has hemolytic anemia and was going to the hospital today to check his hemoglobin, hematocrit, and platelet count. i hope he turns out fine. he has had 3 major sicknesses for this year only. i also hope he doesn't have to miss out on a module. that would be hard for him considering all the confusion right now in PBL.
.:: Tuesday, September 16, 2003 ::.
new blog friend
this is really great. jade from soccer, friend of vy and marvin (that's how i found out about her), has a blog too. i've noticed that more and more med students are blogging. why? here are some pretty good reasons:
1. for PBL students, there (used to be) is enough time on our hands to create and maintain a blog.
2. Learning Resource Unit or better known as "LRU". this is our computer lab. it provides us with unlimited internet connection, either via desktop or laptop. it has E1 connection... whatever that means. i'm just happy it's fast!
3. it can bring out our artistic side... and also our technical side because of the html work we have to put into our blogs. it also feel like we're a little bit wiser than the average med student since we know html and some, well, don't.
4. it's fun.
5. some of us just needs to vent out. med can be fun but it's not easy. both academically and socially. i've noticed some people would rather be by themselves. that, i don't know why. this for me, is my main reason why i keep a blog.
jade is planning to create a shared blog for doctors. wouldn't that be great? it's better than a message board. i hope it pushes through. she has my full support :)
.:: Sunday, September 14, 2003 ::.
i've been cranky and sad these past few days. and i'm thinking, baka PMS lang to. however, to make things worse, i had my hair cut and it looks like shit talaga. i feel like crying. it's my hair we're dealing with na kasi. i swear i will never go to my suking parlor ever again. they have definitely disappointed me big time.
grrr...
on a lighter side, my highschool friends and i went out yesterday. it was kookie's birthday. i had fun. i really didn't think of my hair at that time. i just enjoyed the moment. i forgot all my problems: sor, friends and my personal life. i wish life could always be like this. you could just push aside the problems and never come back for them. anyway... they slept over at my house :) i was surprised to find out that it was their first time to sleep over. eh sila pa! we've been friends for 10 years na tapos they haven't slept over at my house. it wasn't really planned. it was just a spur of the moment thing. pero ang saya. i missed them and i hadn't realized that until i saw them. i'm really happy that i still have them. at least, when i think my life in med is all screwed up, i still have my life with my highschool friends to give me hope to go on. i love them so much. i've never said it enough for them to realize how important they are to me. now, i hope they do ;)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOOKIE!!!
.:: Friday, September 12, 2003 ::.
i realized today that only last year, i had a boyfriend and a bestfriend. now, i have neither.
i miss having someone who i could run to at the end of the day whenever i feel bad about something. by just reassuring me that they're there for me that very moment makes everything feel okay. i miss telling someone how my day went and how it would be better if that person was there. someone who could make me smile... *sigh*
i just feel so sad right now... and lonely, particularly. i always said that i could be on my own. but these are the moments when i wish i hadn't said anything like it before.
the inevitable
and so cameth the GA. like i predicted, boljak na naman ako. i'm not going to be bitter about it. actually, i admit i did had mistakes. my fault. so there. i accept my mistakes.
what i can't take, though, is a bestfriend making me feel worse about it by saying that it was my fault that i didn't ask for help. yes, right there and then at the GA, she mouthed it. without any tinge of sensitivity, she blamed me. how cruel is that?
change of mood
i had my practicals in hema just this morning. it's the first exam that i didn't study for and felt confident that i passed... not just passed but only had 3 mistakes :)
however, it was mostly about my medtech subjects so failing would mean utter humiliation...
thank God.
.:: Thursday, September 11, 2003 ::.
just don't try to defend yourself anymore. things are bad as it is...
anyway..
i don't know if i should be vocal at the friday GA. i want to but as they say, let sleeping dogs lie... tama ba? pero kasi, if i let this one pass, she'll just do it again. haaayyy... the dilemma of it all.
to be or not to be, that is the question. whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them. to die, to sleep. no more... *from hamlet's soliloquy
i wish i was a kid again. no troubles. the friends you had back then were honest, less demanding.. i was happy when i was a kid. true happiness. now, i'm in a sea of confusion. baka ngayon lang i don't know. i just want to be a kid again... i miss being one. haaaayy... regressing again.
.:: Wednesday, September 10, 2003 ::.
i'm pissed.
why can't people just say the things they want to say to you when you're right there in front of them? they would rather let me find out for myself from other people. why would they do that? i wouldn't be angry if they just told me personally. now i'm angry because they didn't.
...and it's bad enough that this person i'm referring to is a sis.
honestly, my patience is running thin. it's like everything i do for the sor, they have something negative to throw back at. it's like they're discouraging me from doing anything good. why should a sis do that? of all people pa talaga, sis pa. this is just bullshit. wag na lang mag activities if they're going to be like this always. what's the use diba? we're just destroying what's left of the sisterhood anyway.
some people should just let things be... and shut their big fat mouths.
.:: Tuesday, September 09, 2003 ::.
the day after
i still can't believe my luck yesterday with "insights in medicine". i guess, all my hard work payed off talaga. i was having panic attacks na. wala lang. i just feel that i should share this....
cramming always works :) hehehe...
.:: Sunday, September 07, 2003 ::.
you know who you are.
and i thank you.
for making me feel like a doormat.
for making me special one moment, then feel like dirt the next.
for the moneyclips, the aliens and the free dinners.
for blinding me with your charm and witty comments.
for being funny and making me laugh but also for making me sad and miserable because i blamed myself for being stupid.
thank you.
for promising.
promising that you would take that opportunity with me if ever it came.
when it did came, you never remembered your promise.
thank you for breaking that promise.
it only took you one week to break it.
it'll take me a lifetime before i ever trust you again.
no.
you didn't hurt me.
you just showed me what i needed to know.
you did told me you had good intentions.
you did make me feel that i was to blame for ruining it because i wasn't happy with it.
then, yes.
it's not your fault.
it's all mine.
but it's not you who suffers, right?
it's not you writing this stupid post.
it's not you wishing that we had never met.
it's me. all me.
and you don't ever want to know me anymore.
you know who you are.
there are a number of possibilities that might happen tomorrow at the seminar. here are some of them:
1. i'm quite sure i'll be paying P4,000 for the CME Auditorium... if i don't persuade dr. blas to lend me room 405.... *ouch*
2. two of the speakers, which are the really important ones since they are the ones who're wearing the white coats, might not come. no speaker = boljak
3. students might not come because of failure in information dissemination. this is one thing i'm sure i'm not to blame for since i put all my energy here... hence the no speaker = boljak.
4. even if 2 & 3 are present, everything might turn out to be a big flop because i organized it... i have major pessimistic issues... if not(and i'm afraid so), i'm just being realistic. realistic = doom = boljak
and last,
5. boljak. it's practically inevitable. 3 out of 4 of the possibilities strongly agrees with #5.
just wish me luck. i know i deserve this but, i'm only human.
.:: Friday, September 05, 2003 ::.
friday five
1. What housekeeping chore(s) do you hate doing the most?
cleaning the bathroom(from initiations) :p
2. Are there any that you like or don't mind doing?
washing the dishes
3. Do you have a routine throughout the week or just clean as it's needed?
i clean whenever our maid has her day off
4. Do you have any odd cleaning/housekeeping quirks or rules?
i have to clean everything in my room... floor to ceiling
5. What was the last thing you cleaned?
my room
.:: Thursday, September 04, 2003 ::.
i feel so happy today :)
this is new for me since waking up early doesn't really stimulate my endorphins. i couldn't sleep when i woke up around 5 am because i swear i could hear eva's footsteps every 2 minutes or so.
i had planned to wake up early so that i could do some research at school and at the same time, walk with mommy to school. she was in a hurry and told me that she left my pagemarkers downstairs then left. i took my time getting ready for school. when i came down, there was a paperbag on the table addressed to me. it was a gift from her.
...and that's why i'm happy today. i'm wearing a big stupid smile that will be hard to wear off... try if you can :)
|
current
archives
profile
email
rings
notes
layout
host
|
posted at