point zero

.:: Sunday, July 27, 2003 ::.

Which [Smallville] Characters are you?

wow! this is close enough for me ;)

.:: Saturday, July 26, 2003 ::.

you don't want to know what happened to me yesterday.

i was so busy the whole day yesterday. i had meetings with my research group, soccer practice and a sorority GA. it was my first time to attend the soccer tryouts and i think i did miserably. we were playing in the rain and it wasn't really that fun. the other team scored because of me. so when we finished, i wasn't really feeling too good about myself. plus the fact that i was really drenched and partly muddied from the rain.

after practice, i was thinking if it was wise to still make it to the GA. i really wanted to go home because i didn't bring an extra shirt. but since the sor house was nearer, i decided to just run for it. when i got there, ate rose had just started the assembly. it was about the execom again. i was used to all the criticisms these people usually have to say about us. what surprised me was when ate rose suddenly took out the newsletter. alarmingly, she had a few things to say about it.

i hate what she did. i'm not going to write what she said because, really now, do i want to have a record of her opinions here? i can handle criticism but when it's low-blow criticism, controling my anger is almost impossible. i have every right to be angry because when i heard her say about my newsletter, it just didn't make any sense. plus the fact that she didn't really have to let the whole world know about it is just so wrong. i will have my way whether she likes it or not. i will not conform... especially to her.

when i got home, i was so tired. emotionally, physically and mentally. i tried so hard to sleep but i really couldn't. there was so many things entering my mind. then, around 1 am, i started to cry. all along, i realized i had tried hard in fighting back the tears. i didn't want to cry. i didn't want to show weakness. it was a good cry... but also a bad one since this was the first time i cried about the sorority. i always thought that joining one was supposed to be fun. now, it isn't anymore.

i finally fell asleep after crying.

posted at 1:28 PM | |

.:: Thursday, July 24, 2003 ::.

i just came back from tondo... and i'm so goddamn tired!! for some reason i don't know why, i feel so terribly exhausted. all i did was interview one family and sit all throughout the day. i'm not complaining about the place. honestly, it perked my interest. i kind of enjoyed meeting new people and knowing about their way of life. i just don't know why it took all of my energy. maybe because of the heat, i don't know. i just don't want to go back there for the next two days.

last tuesday, i slept at the sor house. mommy queenie had asked me to stay over. it was my second time to sleep there. the first was during our initiations when we slept on the floor. at least this second time i was able to sleep in a proper bed. it was okay. i got a preview of what was going to be my new room next semester. the only good thing was that i get to have mommy as my room mate(whoopee!). i had fun sleeping over. there was a time that we couldn't stop laughing and we had to rest for a while then start laughing again. i'm so comfortable with her. i don't have inhibitions with her and i like that so much. i'm just so happy that i have her as my big sis. she really has done her job so well ;)

tomorrow will be another tiring day. group meeting with the research team then soccer practice and then the GA with the sor. buddy was right. i am superman.

posted at 4:41 PM | |

.:: Tuesday, July 22, 2003 ::.

i'm at school right now doing our research block. i'm supposed to be doing some research but i feel like surfing as of the moment. and besides, i can't concentrate.

i had a long, good talk with marie yesterday about the men in our lives... to be more realistic, the man in our lives. honestly, right now, i'm confused about my feelings. there are a lot of people out there making it more complicated than it already is. i thought i had all my life chosen this path and then someone comes along and reveals more paths than i can ever discover. i'm being metaphorically vague so that i can be safe. my point is, all along, i thought that i had known what i wanted but right now, after all the things that i have known and done, i feel that i'm back at point zero. back to where i started which is, completely clueless.

what a shame. i'm just like my blog: point zero.

posted at 12:25 PM | |

.:: Sunday, July 20, 2003 ::.

i think i'm going to cry...

i can't publish anything on my old blog and i think, after almost two weeks of waiting... i've lost it. i hate blogger but i'm still here. so you can't imagine the frustration i'm having right now.

oh well...

i just had to post what happened last night. i had a really really great night yesterday... although at the expense of my reputation.

first, i went to duncan sheiks concert with RA. duncan sheik was just so great! he did every song i had wished he would sing. until now, i still can't believe i finally saw him in concert. the front acts were great too(did by paolo santos and rockwell ryan). the show was just perfect. now if only my date had enjoyed too i'd be happier.

after the concert, we were supposed to do our "fieldwork" and interview sex workers for our seminar workshop in school. so i headed over to malate to meet my groupmates. they already had interviewed a male sex worker and we were convinced that it was enough for the night. we decided to have some fun. and, whoa me, of all the places, they chose common ground. a lot of things has happened to me in common ground and last night was another chapter of it. the place definitely makes me a different person. intoxicated with alcohol or not, i'm certain that, i do things there that i don't think i would do.

i'd rather not go into detail about what happened. just tidbits. there were some brods at common ground. one of which was the james guy. i just wanted to have some fun so i danced with him. i could get seriously out of control whenever i dance with a guy. it's just this hidden urge to tease and overpower men... i guess(hehe). and so i danced. what happened next was just... i don't know, fast. but what really bothers me is that i enjoyed it. usually i just enjoy it when i'm doing it and the morning after i just forget about it. but this? i hate that i'm still thinking about it.

i don't know what will happen to me tomorrow or the next day or the week after. but it's just something i know i could just shrug off my shoulder. i'm just curious of how long it will take my close friends to know about it. let's just see and find out.

posted at 8:07 PM | |