point zero

new blogger

2004-06-09T08:37:00.000+08:00

i've created a new blogger...

www.medicalslave.blogspot.com

2003-11-23T20:49:00.000+08:00

initiations
finally, i think it's safe to post here that we have 5 neophytes. everytime i do, they quit. i'm not superstitious. however, i just want to play it safe. the 5 of them have become special to me. i want them to be my sisses and i also want them to learn something from us. honestly, it's been very tiring. i haven't been absent since the it started and i plan to be present until their very last day. still, i can say that this has been of the happiest things that has happened since i joined STD. i'm crossing my fingers for something... even if i'm not superstitious, here's hoping i become a *** *** :)

2003-11-09T20:56:00.000+08:00

i just want to blog...

i think a very good friend of mine is disappointed and angry at me. truthfully(and it hurts to admit), he has a very good reason to. breaking promises is one of the worst things you could do to a friend. also, one of the reasons why people lose one. i wish i could go back and do things differently. something i gained is not worth all this... hurting my friend who meant so much to me. i just want things back. i'm sorry. i really am...

2003-11-04T09:16:00.001+08:00

friday five
oh my god. matrix revolution rules!!! i can't wait to watch it again!

i wanted to post something that pissed me off but i want to break the usual angst that i have here in my blog. since it's a friday, it's time for friday five :)

1. What food do you like that most people hate?
my friends find it weird that i put fries inside my burger. but they don't hate it.

2. What food do you hate that most people love?
ampalaya and onions *yecch*

3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you?
J. LO!!!

4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find
attractive?
a lot of people i know don't like claudine barreto but to me she's pretty.

5. What popular trend baffles you?
baseball caps.

2003-11-04T09:16:00.000+08:00

exam week
i hate school. i know i may sound like a kid but i really do. just for now anyway.

2003-10-27T22:11:00.000+08:00

i'm waiting for my mom to come home. i miss her so much now. yesterday i didn't, now i do. weird no? however, somehow i think my missing her is connected to the excitement i have right now in seeing my 128 MB memory stick for my sony camera... plus the smallville season 1 DVD that i ordered... hehehe. materialistic bitch that i am.

i think i'm in a worse place than a rut right now. i'm in a whole lot of mess... i'll be sounding vague again. it's hard when your private life is made public. you see a lot of shocked faces staring at you the day after you type your whole story. you can't say you didn't warn the narrow headed readers hehe. this mess i'm in, i promised myself almost a year ago that i wouldn't go through this again. this thing is just to painful... moreso, irritating and stressful. but it's not just that. i'm more concerned of possibly hurting him. i don't know what made me do it but i just felt like i needed someone stable. someone i know i could count on to be there when i need to, when i call for. because honestly, those that i thought they would, hasn't really pulled through. i know i sound demanding and selfish but i just need this to help me through this rut that i'm in. however, i know that what i'm doing is a big mistake because this person is more demanding(and selfish) than i am. his needs precede mine and i can't have that right now. i just need to know something about myself and about the people around me. then i'm finish.

now my problem is... how do i finish it?

2003-10-24T20:34:00.000+08:00

MMDA gagu
on our way to libis, the funniest thing happened. i was pulled over again by the MMDA(this time they were in a truck and chasing me on the highway) in the same spot(damn congressional) i was caught at 5 months ago. and it gets better... by the same guy too. last time, instead of giving me a ticket, he asked for my cellphone number. so i gave it. it was better than going to LTO. i saved his name as MMDA gagu. i only replied 2 or 3 times to his repeated senseless text messages. i was about to erase his name a month ago. it was a good thing i didn't. he was going to write me a ticket but i kept forcing him not to. finally, he asked if i had still saved his number. i said i did save it and began editing his name on my cellphone. when i showed it to him, he smiled(i think he was flattered) and told me i could go. hehe. funny how a little smiling and studying medicine can get you out of tickets. i should bring a white blazer for authenticity.

2003-10-24T20:26:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i was out with eya.

we had our little talk and as it turns out, everything is fine again. like our fight never happened. don't get me wrong, i'm really happy that we're friends again but what i'm a bit apprehensive about is for how long will we be okay? also, i told her some stuff about people i shouldn't have told her about. i know that she doesn't accept criticism well and it's so hard for her to admit that she's wrong. oh well. at least i got to tell her some of the things i wanted to say way back during my first newsletter. let's just see how long it will take before we have our gruesome fight again.

2003-10-20T20:28:00.000+08:00

sembreak
it's been a while since i last blogged. last week was a really really toxic week :p i don't want to ever go through that again. one of my worse weeks.

my mom left for the US yesterday. she asked my dad to record all the teleserye in the teleserye series. as i can remember way back when i used to watch soaps, she strongly said that she would never find herself watching silly drama shows on channel 2. today, she watches all 4 of them. funny how people never stick to their word.

right now, it's kind of lonely here at home. i thought i'd be with my family for 2 whole weeks but i guess, things happen. my 2 brothers are out and my dad is busy watching the teleserye my mom requested to be recorded. i guess my mom is still on the plane. i'm starting to miss her already.

sembreak started last wednesday. for me, it just started today. we worked the whole week last week for the preparation of the 40th anniversary of the sorority. it was a success... although some of the hard work we did wasn't shown during the anniv due to some technical difficulties... plus we didn't get the chance to ask for financial aid from the elder sisses. but it was okay. they had fun. however, after friday, i don't feel like seeing any of the sisses... for now. after being burnt out with school, i'm burnt out with the sorority too. i'm afraid that two weeks of vacation won't be enough to rejuvenate my school nor my sorority spirits. tough.

on a more serious tone, i think i've realized something about eya again. we had a really really bad fight last friday. it was the worst fight that we've ever had... and it was through text messaging pa. i don't think we'll ever regain the closeness that we had before. i wasn't so sure before but now, i'm afraid that i'm right. everything's messed up between the two of us. what's worse pa is, we were actually doing nothing to each other. it's like there's this hidden hatred. i've never hated someone as strong as this. it's just so sad. really really sad. i just don't want to do this anymore. it's draining the life from me. i know that we can't ever resolve our problems. the only thing left for us to do is stay away from each other. i swear, i'm just too tired of it all. and with the things she said, there's a part of me that wants to regret that i ever made friends with her at all. right now, i don't think she was a bestfriend at all.

2003-10-10T15:14:00.000+08:00

i'm in a rut. maybe this is part of the reason why i went home last night.

...plus also the reason why i can't study. i just don't find my life interesting anymore. it's a good thing that sem break is just around the corner. otherwise, being a doctor will be the last thing i'll ever want to be. honestly though, i can't think of anything that i want to do right now. i just want a different life. maybe a change of scenery. anything basta change.

however, deep inside, i know that there's something troubling me much more than this rut that i have. it's a person. i just don't know how i should handle this thing with this person. everytime that i think i'm over it, it comes back and hits me hard. *sigh* i'm being as vague as i can...

2003-10-10T14:59:00.000+08:00

a first for me.

yesterday, i called home and asked my parents to pick me up. why? because i was so miserable being alone in my tita's apartment. usually, i find stuff to do when i'm all alone but last night was just different. it was the first time i called home and asked to be picked up. everyone at home was worried when i told them i wanted to come home... and yet so warm with welcome. they cooked adobo(yum!) and my mom couldn't stop hugging me and asking me what was wrong. i couldn't help but notice that she was teary-eyed. i was touched. even if it was funny in a way... because she reasoned that it was ara mina who made her teary eyed. but all in all... my coming back home made me feel better. i've never appreciated coming home until this moment. there must be something wrong with me.

2003-10-06T08:21:00.000+08:00

what's with all this joey-kris thing? i thought it was over then suddenly, i see it on tv again. i see it on magandang umaga bayan, TV patrol, mel and jay, buzz(as if they would let themselves miss out on all the action), s files, magandang gabi bayan, and whatever show channel 7 and channel 2 could force to air on. it's stupid. pinoys have a way of exploiting exploitation. they're making "she said he said" on primetime. nothing is good on tv anymore all because of this scandal. why should we care about them when we have problems of their own? and why should they be on news updates and special reports?

i so hate channel 2 and channel 7. for making all the exclusives on kris and joey... and also on alma! for making all those vtrs about how good these persons are. everybody knows that these are all lies so that they could have a good rep on the 2004 elections. they shouldn't use their connections in media for all this. it's plain ridiculous. i just find it very disturbing.

i read this in an email. i just have to post this!

Kris Aquino and Joey Marquez. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers .Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers .Losers. Losers. Losers. Losers.

My gad! What cosmic karma are we reaping as a nation to deserve these two???? Both of you are walking human-rights violations!!!! Ang kakapal ng mga mukha nyong dalawang mag-iiyak and invoke your reputation, your children, your family. Ang kapal ng mga apog nyo to talk about dignity. Many articles and emails have been written and circulated around why we think makapal ang mukha nyo?. Pero patulan pa rin natin...speaking of mukha, let's start with Kris because she at least has the more pleasant face.

Drama Queen. This woman can talk. Such gift of gab and such flair for drama. Measured sighs. Quivering voice. Trembling hands. A tear dropping from the left eye. From the first statement of "I fear for my life" up to sudden facing of camera # 2 to directly address Joey (a style perfected from hosting Game Ka Na Ba's multiple cameras). Perfect. I'll have to hand i over to this girl. (She is pretty without make-up. Oh yes, the nose looks crooked pala and the teeth may beg for capping but overall she is a pretty sight and prettier still when she cries). But it doesn't change my overall judgment which can be summed up in five words : "Beh! Buti ng sa yo!" You are anything but a victim here Kris. To quote Condrado de Quiros "you are not Maria Theresa Carlson at the mercy of her oppressor. You are a powerful woman." Equally or even more powerful than Joey. Stupid Girl. If the issue at hand is Joey poking a gun at you and that is your main beef?...why dear did you have to announce that you had (have we can never be sure) STD? You ruined many dinners that night Kris. I can not forgive you for that. I hope that by now, you have fully realized the implications of what you said. Mr. Tulfo said it best when he wrote "..No Filipino will ever go down on you." Also, admitting that you have been living-in with Joey for one and a half years is giving arsenal to Alma Moreno's planned lawsuit (Tip to Kris : Possible excuse for all your statements : you were high on medication to alleviate the pain caused by the bruises inflicted by Joey when your interviewed by Korina). Speaking of of bruises...hahahahaha...hilarious! what bruises are you talking about??? I have had blacker bruises on my hands and arms courtesy of my ergonomically incorrect computer table. I have had bluer bruises on my face after brushing my teeth with a bit more passion. OA na Kris, hindi na cute. Have you ever thought that sa puti mong yan sa paggamit ng Kissa soap.... kahit sinong humawak sa yo ng mahigpit-higpit e magkakapasa ka?
Please Kris. For your parents' sake for your sake, and for our sake, tumigil ka na.

Joey Marquez. Big Loser. You can kiss your political ambitions goodbye! Nakahanap ka ng katapat mo 'tsong! Your interview in S-Files is the funniest showbiz interview since Divina Valencia hit Rey dela Cruz's head with a microphone. If only you can see yourself that day : meek stance my foot .. the quivering voice, a tear forced to fall - but will not..., stuttering words, trembling chin, a missing upper molar... geesh...Kris Aquino already beat you to that act dear except for the missing tooth. While Kris won our hearts with the beauty of her face while crying, you repulsed us. Ang pangit mo 'tsong! You should start starring in you own telenovela yourself... "Hangang Sa Tulo ng Panahon." Nevertheless, we are all excited to see what you are going to say in court. We are expecting a lot from you Joey.

Finally, a self-rating of Juan dela Cruz. A winner for seeing the funny and ironice side to all these. A winner for not taking you two seriously ...But sadly, also a loser for being a trapped and captive audience to all these. A loser for having the email as my only way to vent my anger and frustration.

Hala, I-forward ang email mga kapatid hangang makarating kina Kris at Joey.

2003-10-06T07:53:00.000+08:00

i am sick and tired of school and the worst part is, i have 2 more weeks left!! my brain is probably mush because i can't seem to store anything in it anymore. this module is really my worst one... all except for endocrine, musculo and OB :P

these are the times i wish i hadn't taken up medicine.

2003-10-02T10:26:00.000+08:00

weird dreams
i slept at the sor house again last night. i kept thinking if i really wanted to live there next sem. somehow, it's as if the place felt so... lonely. but it's better than living at my aunt's house. so much better.

i had another series of weird dreams last night while sleeping at the sor house. this time, i couldn't tell if it was surreal or real. it was about mommy. it was something that i had been thinking about for a long time now.... and then it manifested in my dreams. it was just so weird... and scary. but it's nothing. dreams are nothing.

though somehow, i feel i'm not that sure...

2003-09-26T13:26:00.000+08:00

i'm disappointed in someone. i can't tell who. i thought that they were different. but it seems, they were just like someone in my past who had hurt me a lot... like eya.

buddy told me that my life was like a cycle. the same things keep happening to me. this time though, the players are different. i never realized it until she told me this. she was right. the worst part is... i keep doing the same mistakes.

i really can't believe what this person did. it's not their fault. i just expected too much... again. i don't want to be mad at them. that's why i'm going to start staying away first. as much as i don't want to, i have to.

2003-09-25T14:21:00.000+08:00

push ire, push push ire ire
last night was resident's night. it was my first and now i regret it being my first. it was better than our freshmen's night. i couldn't imagine that the people on stage were doctors. respectable people doing funny weird things. hehe. i can't wait to see my big sisses on stage when they become residents.

to add to the toxicity that the execom has, we have two neophytes. tin and gem. so far, they have almost finished their first week. but we've heard rumors that one of them plans to quit. if one quits, no more initiations. what a waste of time and energy. i just hope they don't quit.

2003-09-24T11:44:00.000+08:00

truth and lies
for the past few days, i have been bad. so bad that the people close to me can tell what i have been up to just by looking at my face. like mommy qui. i tried to lie but whenever it's mommy who asks, i can not tell a lie. she has this scary stern look on her face when she interrogates me... and an even sterner and scarier look if it's about him.(and if you're reading this... joke joke joke ;) ) i can't really relay the events that transpired. it would mean breaking a promise to a friend. however, i can admit that what i did was wrong and also misleading. misleading in a sense that i was the one who was mislead, not him. i can't also explain why i had done what i've done. honestly, i don't know myself. what i can say is...

nothing.

in that same day(or the morning after ;p ), a friend told me something about herself. i had my suspicions already but i was still surprised when i heard it. after almost a month, she finally decided to tell me her big secret. sometimes, when people tell you something about themselves, it changes your whole perception of things. like what they said or wrote before they told you. you think of the deeper meanings of things. i'm happy for her because she's happy. happy in a sense that it's good. not like my happiness...

congratulations and good luck :)

2003-09-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

dying superman
a friend said once that i looked tired... and i wasn't even tired then. there has got to be something wrong with me. i sleep for 12 hours and then someone tells me i look tired. sometimes i am and other times i'm not. honestly though, i've been feeling less and less energetic these days. the superman in me is starting to fade. maybe because the semestral break is almost around the corner...

whatever the reason, nowadays, i feel like 12 hours of sleep is not enough for me. go figure.

doctor montenegro

2003-09-18T15:17:00.000+08:00

doctor montenegro
today was our second meeting with our facilitator in our small group tutorials. as it turns out, i was the unfortunate favorite of doctor montenegro. i had the fatal mistake of not reading enough for the case (which was trauma: initial assessment). i really don't know why he kept calling me and asking me weird questions like what does crystalloid solution means. i only answered 3 out of the 6 questions he asked me. and then he gave me an assignment since nobody knew the basic trauma life support system. we all knew the advanced but not the basic :p then, to add to my suspicion of me being favorite, he asked me to lead the closing prayer. weird talaga.

half of me feels glad he knows me and, feeling ko lang, he likes my name. the other half condemns the pressure put upon me because i know he will call me everytime we do our SGT :p

2003-09-18T09:06:00.000+08:00

lately, it's been getting harder and harder for me to wake up early for school. maybe because the weather's getting colder. whatever reason it may be, i have to stop this and wake up without okay-ing the snooze button on my cellphone :p

my friend patrick has typhoid and dengue. he told me yesterday that he already has hemolytic anemia and was going to the hospital today to check his hemoglobin, hematocrit, and platelet count. i hope he turns out fine. he has had 3 major sicknesses for this year only. i also hope he doesn't have to miss out on a module. that would be hard for him considering all the confusion right now in PBL.

2003-09-16T16:14:00.000+08:00

new blog friend
this is really great. jade from soccer, friend of vy and marvin (that's how i found out about her), has a blog too. i've noticed that more and more med students are blogging. why? here are some pretty good reasons:

1. for PBL students, there (used to be) is enough time on our hands to create and maintain a blog.

2. Learning Resource Unit or better known as "LRU". this is our computer lab. it provides us with unlimited internet connection, either via desktop or laptop. it has E1 connection... whatever that means. i'm just happy it's fast!

3. it can bring out our artistic side... and also our technical side because of the html work we have to put into our blogs. it also feel like we're a little bit wiser than the average med student since we know html and some, well, don't.

4. it's fun.

5. some of us just needs to vent out. med can be fun but it's not easy. both academically and socially. i've noticed some people would rather be by themselves. that, i don't know why. this for me, is my main reason why i keep a blog.

jade is planning to create a shared blog for doctors. wouldn't that be great? it's better than a message board. i hope it pushes through. she has my full support :)

2003-09-14T16:59:00.000+08:00

i've been cranky and sad these past few days. and i'm thinking, baka PMS lang to. however, to make things worse, i had my hair cut and it looks like shit talaga. i feel like crying. it's my hair we're dealing with na kasi. i swear i will never go to my suking parlor ever again. they have definitely disappointed me big time.

grrr...

on a lighter side, my highschool friends and i went out yesterday. it was kookie's birthday. i had fun. i really didn't think of my hair at that time. i just enjoyed the moment. i forgot all my problems: sor, friends and my personal life. i wish life could always be like this. you could just push aside the problems and never come back for them. anyway... they slept over at my house :) i was surprised to find out that it was their first time to sleep over. eh sila pa! we've been friends for 10 years na tapos they haven't slept over at my house. it wasn't really planned. it was just a spur of the moment thing. pero ang saya. i missed them and i hadn't realized that until i saw them. i'm really happy that i still have them. at least, when i think my life in med is all screwed up, i still have my life with my highschool friends to give me hope to go on. i love them so much. i've never said it enough for them to realize how important they are to me. now, i hope they do ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOOKIE!!!

2003-09-12T21:25:00.000+08:00

i realized today that only last year, i had a boyfriend and a bestfriend. now, i have neither.

i miss having someone who i could run to at the end of the day whenever i feel bad about something. by just reassuring me that they're there for me that very moment makes everything feel okay. i miss telling someone how my day went and how it would be better if that person was there. someone who could make me smile... *sigh*

i just feel so sad right now... and lonely, particularly. i always said that i could be on my own. but these are the moments when i wish i hadn't said anything like it before.

2003-09-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

the inevitable
and so cameth the GA. like i predicted, boljak na naman ako. i'm not going to be bitter about it. actually, i admit i did had mistakes. my fault. so there. i accept my mistakes.

what i can't take, though, is a bestfriend making me feel worse about it by saying that it was my fault that i didn't ask for help. yes, right there and then at the GA, she mouthed it. without any tinge of sensitivity, she blamed me. how cruel is that?

change of mood

2003-09-12T10:11:00.000+08:00

change of mood
i had my practicals in hema just this morning. it's the first exam that i didn't study for and felt confident that i passed... not just passed but only had 3 mistakes :)

however, it was mostly about my medtech subjects so failing would mean utter humiliation...

thank God.

2003-09-11T13:04:00.000+08:00

just don't try to defend yourself anymore. things are bad as it is...

anyway..

i don't know if i should be vocal at the friday GA. i want to but as they say, let sleeping dogs lie... tama ba? pero kasi, if i let this one pass, she'll just do it again. haaayyy... the dilemma of it all.

to be or not to be, that is the question. whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them. to die, to sleep. no more... *from hamlet's soliloquy

i wish i was a kid again. no troubles. the friends you had back then were honest, less demanding.. i was happy when i was a kid. true happiness. now, i'm in a sea of confusion. baka ngayon lang i don't know. i just want to be a kid again... i miss being one. haaaayy... regressing again.

2003-09-10T10:10:00.000+08:00

i'm pissed.

why can't people just say the things they want to say to you when you're right there in front of them? they would rather let me find out for myself from other people. why would they do that? i wouldn't be angry if they just told me personally. now i'm angry because they didn't.

...and it's bad enough that this person i'm referring to is a sis.

honestly, my patience is running thin. it's like everything i do for the sor, they have something negative to throw back at. it's like they're discouraging me from doing anything good. why should a sis do that? of all people pa talaga, sis pa. this is just bullshit. wag na lang mag activities if they're going to be like this always. what's the use diba? we're just destroying what's left of the sisterhood anyway.

some people should just let things be... and shut their big fat mouths.

2003-09-09T12:27:00.000+08:00

the day after
i still can't believe my luck yesterday with "insights in medicine". i guess, all my hard work payed off talaga. i was having panic attacks na. wala lang. i just feel that i should share this....

cramming always works :) hehehe...

2003-09-07T20:00:00.000+08:00

you know who you are.

and i thank you.
for making me feel like a doormat.
for making me special one moment, then feel like dirt the next.
for the moneyclips, the aliens and the free dinners.
for blinding me with your charm and witty comments.
for being funny and making me laugh but also for making me sad and miserable because i blamed myself for being stupid.

thank you.
for promising.
promising that you would take that opportunity with me if ever it came.
when it did came, you never remembered your promise.
thank you for breaking that promise.
it only took you one week to break it.
it'll take me a lifetime before i ever trust you again.

no.
you didn't hurt me.
you just showed me what i needed to know.
you did told me you had good intentions.
you did make me feel that i was to blame for ruining it because i wasn't happy with it.

then, yes.
it's not your fault.
it's all mine.
but it's not you who suffers, right?
it's not you writing this stupid post.
it's not you wishing that we had never met.

it's me. all me.
and you don't ever want to know me anymore.

you know who you are.

2003-09-07T19:34:00.000+08:00

there are a number of possibilities that might happen tomorrow at the seminar. here are some of them:

1. i'm quite sure i'll be paying P4,000 for the CME Auditorium... if i don't persuade dr. blas to lend me room 405.... *ouch*

2. two of the speakers, which are the really important ones since they are the ones who're wearing the white coats, might not come. no speaker = boljak

3. students might not come because of failure in information dissemination. this is one thing i'm sure i'm not to blame for since i put all my energy here... hence the no speaker = boljak.

4. even if 2 & 3 are present, everything might turn out to be a big flop because i organized it... i have major pessimistic issues... if not(and i'm afraid so), i'm just being realistic. realistic = doom = boljak

and last,

5. boljak. it's practically inevitable. 3 out of 4 of the possibilities strongly agrees with #5.

just wish me luck. i know i deserve this but, i'm only human.

2003-09-05T15:42:00.000+08:00

friday five

1. What housekeeping chore(s) do you hate doing the most?
cleaning the bathroom(from initiations) :p

2. Are there any that you like or don't mind doing?
washing the dishes

3. Do you have a routine throughout the week or just clean as it's needed?
i clean whenever our maid has her day off

4. Do you have any odd cleaning/housekeeping quirks or rules?
i have to clean everything in my room... floor to ceiling

5. What was the last thing you cleaned?
my room

2003-09-04T07:36:00.000+08:00

i feel so happy today :)

this is new for me since waking up early doesn't really stimulate my endorphins. i couldn't sleep when i woke up around 5 am because i swear i could hear eva's footsteps every 2 minutes or so.

i had planned to wake up early so that i could do some research at school and at the same time, walk with mommy to school. she was in a hurry and told me that she left my pagemarkers downstairs then left. i took my time getting ready for school. when i came down, there was a paperbag on the table addressed to me. it was a gift from her.

...and that's why i'm happy today. i'm wearing a big stupid smile that will be hard to wear off... try if you can :)

2003-08-26T12:15:00.000+08:00

yesterday was august 25th... my birthday.

i wasn't really happy on my birthday. i can't explain why. i mean i didn't expect things to be special because it was my birthday. i just wanted it to be a good day for me. then i found out that a sis's father passed away. i was supposed to donate blood for him but it was too late. how depressing.

2003-08-24T20:29:00.000+08:00

chalk up another fight with eya.

last wednesday, i went with her to SM manila to look for a gift for doug. in the process, we ended up fighting because i teased her to be stingy...the correct term, kuripot. since i was in a good mood and the weather that morning was really great(no rain and really sunny), i decided to swallow my pride and make ammends with her. after all, i have been doing it for almost all of the 5 years i have been friends with her.

in that same day, i was angry at james. i can't really explain but i knew i was angry because i was confused.. and scared of being hurt. in the end though, i felt guilty that i was mad at him. i'm not the sort who stays angry for long. except for those very rare occassions when you wish you hadn't met me...

thursday, i was at the mall. this time with the lunch budz.

friday, i was at the mall again... with mommy queenie.

and then saturday night...

i was with kookie and joey that night.. and james. i liked that night because i got to see my friends again. i liked it even more because he was there. i had a great time dancing with him. it was something that we were looking forward to doing again. this time around, it was wilder. blame it on the jaigermeister hehehe...

then this morning, he called me and told me that he just broke up with eggpie, his girlfriend. all of a sudden, i was in limbo. i didn't know how to react. was i happy, angry, or apathetic? it was just one of those times that i really didn't want to think about what i felt right then. i wanted to comfort him but i didn't know how without being biased.

right now, i'm confused. this is harder than i thought. i really shouldn't be thinking about this too much. but if i don't, things get carried away and i'm farther down the road than i intend to be. then it's hard to get out.

2003-08-16T21:28:00.000+08:00

i'm starting to love this song ever since a friend sang it to me. it just cracks me up. i can't wait to watch the video...

Mr. Suave by Parokya Ni Edgar

Nasa ulap ba ang iyong mga mata?
Mukhang malayo ang iyong pagtingala
Pakay ko lamang na ika'y pangitiin
Ito’y aking lambing

Subok na ang aking pag-ibig
Ikaw lamang sa buong daigdig
Tumitibok na puso ko’y dinggin
Sumama ka na sa'kin

Chorus:
Ako si Mr. Suave
Oh grabe
Habulin ng babae
Araw man o gabi
Oo ako si Mr. Suave
Oh grabe
Hayup kung dumiskarte
Wala silang masabi

Kaya't H'wag ka nang malungkot
Problem'y ibaon sa limot
Pagkat nandito lang ako umiibig sa 'yo
Hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy (4x)
Hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy (4x)

At kung kailangan na ika’y paligayahin
H’wag mag-alinlangan na ika'y lumapit sa akin
Hatid sa atin ng swabe kong bigote
Ang smooth na smooth na kiliti

Pagkat ako si Mr. Suave
Oh grabe
Habulin ng babae
Araw man o gabi
Oo Ako si Mr. Suave
Oh grabe
Hayup kung dumiskarte
Grabe na sa swabe

2003-08-16T21:26:00.000+08:00

yesterday was tita shonie's birthday... mommy queenie and RA's mom.

we were to meet at the sor house at 5 pm so we could all(mommy, RA and me) go together. when i arrived at the sor house, RA was there in the car but mommy texted me that she would be late. so she asked that i entertain RA first. on my way to the car, james saw me from the frat house. he stopped me and i told him that RA was there. he said he wanted to see him. i tried not to laugh. it was just so silly. he didn't really get a chance to see him. james only saw RA's silhouette. when mommy came, we drove off and headed to their house at del monte.

we arrived at saisaki around 7:30 pm and i was surprised because i had no idea it was like a mini party. they had reserved a function room and there were at least 15 people there. most of them were friends of tita shonie. the rest were mommy's cousins... who were on my table, giving RA and me a hard time. they kept teasing us every now and then. it was funny, really. i wanted to look at RA and see how he reacted to all the teasing. he didn't say anything when they did. hehe. i like them. especially kuya ronan. i enjoyed being with them even if all they did, 90% of the time, was tease me. it was nice to know mommy's relatives. it's like knowing about her background.

after dinner, tita shonie's friends had organized a small program. they made all the people there speak(except for me, of course, and a few others). i enjoyed watching all of it. it was really interesting for me to see that even if tita shonie has a family, she still keeps in touch with her friends. they seem to laugh and talk like teenage girls. they giggle and act like my friends and i. it seems like they don't let their age get to them as long as they have each other. i feel so happy for them. i wish that when i'm at their age, i still have my friends. just like them.

i learned a lot that night. i also felt a lot better about growing old. it's one of my biggest fears. right now though, i don't fear it so much as before. i like mommy's family. it's like danilo's family but better. sometimes, friendship doesn't end with knowing only the friend but also his or her family too.

last night, i did just that and i ended up with a great warm feeling inside :) everything is just sooooo perfect!

2003-08-15T13:17:00.000+08:00

i just finished my neuro exam. just a little more and i'm going to hate neuro. gone will be my dreams of pursuing neuropsych. my head still hurts from the exam...

last tuesday, me and the lunch budz went out. it was our first night out. we had dinner at laff line and after that, videoke at music 21. i had a really good time. especially at music 21. patrick was just so hilarious. he did a lot of impressions... kiko maching ;)

after 3 years in medicine, i never thought i'd have a set of friends that i would really enjoy being with like my college friends. medicine is so much fun with great friends. everything may have changed(no eya, less elgin, less aries) but in a way, i'm happy that it did. my life right now is just perfect. for once, just before my birthday, i'm content and happy with my life. maybe i was just too serious looking for happiness then that i forgot to just enjoy what i had right now and have fun. life should be like this for everyone. i got this from the internet...

human beings are such small creatures, aren't they ?
so don't be too calculative on everything,
treasure every moment, do what you wish to do .....
broaden your view, broaden your mind,
don't worry too much about things that are bothering you,
do treasure your life, live safely and peacefully,
always be happy to welcome the coming of the new day ...... enjoy the sunshine ...

2003-08-13T11:16:00.000+08:00

i have been bad. i just know it. i'm betting that my limbic system(center for instinctive impulses) is bigger than my neocortex(center for emotions, thinking and other stuff i forgot to read about). this makes me an idiot. a dangerous idiot.

this guy that i have been seeing should only be just a friend. no kisses, no holding hands, no anything. i should know better. i've been through this path before. if only he could stop being so charming and funny... and really fun to be with. i'm going to stop this. i mean, i should stop this. i'll do it after my birthday...after discovery hehehe... i think i'm entitled to some fun.

what the heck. life is too short for it to be boring. i'll let my limbic system take over me just this one last time. as the old saying goes, "study hard, party harder".

2003-08-02T10:56:00.000+08:00

i so definitely love community module. i love it so much that i forgot about my blog. i'm sorry blog...

last last week, i watched three movies with three different persons. monday was down with love, then wednesday was lizzie mcguirre and thursday was tomb raider 2. then last week, i went out with a friend, james. he's a really fun person to be with. i didn't even have to pay for anything. he had an american express card(impressive!). we ate lunch at bubba gump, watched a movie at greenbelt 3 then had dinner at big buddha(my favorite chinese restaurant). there's more that i want to write about but... i can't ;) bottomline is, i just had one helluva time. he might be bad news but it just feels so good to be with him. and for all of you out there wondering, he's just a friend. that's all he's going to be for me.

i'll probably write regularly again when we change modules. right now, i'm waiting for mommy so that we could have lunch together. until then.

2003-07-27T11:07:00.000+08:00

Which [Smallville] Characters are you?

wow! this is close enough for me ;)

2003-07-26T13:28:00.000+08:00

you don't want to know what happened to me yesterday.

i was so busy the whole day yesterday. i had meetings with my research group, soccer practice and a sorority GA. it was my first time to attend the soccer tryouts and i think i did miserably. we were playing in the rain and it wasn't really that fun. the other team scored because of me. so when we finished, i wasn't really feeling too good about myself. plus the fact that i was really drenched and partly muddied from the rain.

after practice, i was thinking if it was wise to still make it to the GA. i really wanted to go home because i didn't bring an extra shirt. but since the sor house was nearer, i decided to just run for it. when i got there, ate rose had just started the assembly. it was about the execom again. i was used to all the criticisms these people usually have to say about us. what surprised me was when ate rose suddenly took out the newsletter. alarmingly, she had a few things to say about it.

i hate what she did. i'm not going to write what she said because, really now, do i want to have a record of her opinions here? i can handle criticism but when it's low-blow criticism, controling my anger is almost impossible. i have every right to be angry because when i heard her say about my newsletter, it just didn't make any sense. plus the fact that she didn't really have to let the whole world know about it is just so wrong. i will have my way whether she likes it or not. i will not conform... especially to her.

when i got home, i was so tired. emotionally, physically and mentally. i tried so hard to sleep but i really couldn't. there was so many things entering my mind. then, around 1 am, i started to cry. all along, i realized i had tried hard in fighting back the tears. i didn't want to cry. i didn't want to show weakness. it was a good cry... but also a bad one since this was the first time i cried about the sorority. i always thought that joining one was supposed to be fun. now, it isn't anymore.

i finally fell asleep after crying.

2003-07-24T16:41:00.000+08:00

i just came back from tondo... and i'm so goddamn tired!! for some reason i don't know why, i feel so terribly exhausted. all i did was interview one family and sit all throughout the day. i'm not complaining about the place. honestly, it perked my interest. i kind of enjoyed meeting new people and knowing about their way of life. i just don't know why it took all of my energy. maybe because of the heat, i don't know. i just don't want to go back there for the next two days.

last tuesday, i slept at the sor house. mommy queenie had asked me to stay over. it was my second time to sleep there. the first was during our initiations when we slept on the floor. at least this second time i was able to sleep in a proper bed. it was okay. i got a preview of what was going to be my new room next semester. the only good thing was that i get to have mommy as my room mate(whoopee!). i had fun sleeping over. there was a time that we couldn't stop laughing and we had to rest for a while then start laughing again. i'm so comfortable with her. i don't have inhibitions with her and i like that so much. i'm just so happy that i have her as my big sis. she really has done her job so well ;)

tomorrow will be another tiring day. group meeting with the research team then soccer practice and then the GA with the sor. buddy was right. i am superman.

2003-07-22T12:25:00.000+08:00

i'm at school right now doing our research block. i'm supposed to be doing some research but i feel like surfing as of the moment. and besides, i can't concentrate.

i had a long, good talk with marie yesterday about the men in our lives... to be more realistic, the man in our lives. honestly, right now, i'm confused about my feelings. there are a lot of people out there making it more complicated than it already is. i thought i had all my life chosen this path and then someone comes along and reveals more paths than i can ever discover. i'm being metaphorically vague so that i can be safe. my point is, all along, i thought that i had known what i wanted but right now, after all the things that i have known and done, i feel that i'm back at point zero. back to where i started which is, completely clueless.

what a shame. i'm just like my blog: point zero.

2003-07-20T20:07:00.000+08:00

i think i'm going to cry...

i can't publish anything on my old blog and i think, after almost two weeks of waiting... i've lost it. i hate blogger but i'm still here. so you can't imagine the frustration i'm having right now.

oh well...

i just had to post what happened last night. i had a really really great night yesterday... although at the expense of my reputation.

first, i went to duncan sheiks concert with RA. duncan sheik was just so great! he did every song i had wished he would sing. until now, i still can't believe i finally saw him in concert. the front acts were great too(did by paolo santos and rockwell ryan). the show was just perfect. now if only my date had enjoyed too i'd be happier.

after the concert, we were supposed to do our "fieldwork" and interview sex workers for our seminar workshop in school. so i headed over to malate to meet my groupmates. they already had interviewed a male sex worker and we were convinced that it was enough for the night. we decided to have some fun. and, whoa me, of all the places, they chose common ground. a lot of things has happened to me in common ground and last night was another chapter of it. the place definitely makes me a different person. intoxicated with alcohol or not, i'm certain that, i do things there that i don't think i would do.

i'd rather not go into detail about what happened. just tidbits. there were some brods at common ground. one of which was the james guy. i just wanted to have some fun so i danced with him. i could get seriously out of control whenever i dance with a guy. it's just this hidden urge to tease and overpower men... i guess(hehe). and so i danced. what happened next was just... i don't know, fast. but what really bothers me is that i enjoyed it. usually i just enjoy it when i'm doing it and the morning after i just forget about it. but this? i hate that i'm still thinking about it.

i don't know what will happen to me tomorrow or the next day or the week after. but it's just something i know i could just shrug off my shoulder. i'm just curious of how long it will take my close friends to know about it. let's just see and find out.